Understanding Emotional Intelligence

In our daily lives, we hear a lot of terms related to mental health that may not make much sense, especially when it comes to Emotional Intelligence. What does it really mean? Is it something you’re just supposed to know? The truth is, most people don’t, and that is okay. Let’s talk about it.

First, let’s start with the basics. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as the emotions of those around you. This can be really challenging, especially if, like many others, you didn’t learn about emotions growing up.

Next, let’s talk about those emotions. What are the big five emotions? They are happiness, sadness, frustration, fear, and disgust. But where is anger? Anger is actually an umbrella emotion. It can express some or all of the previously mentioned emotions, but it rarely occurs on its own.

Now, let’s discuss the purpose of emotions. What do you think your emotions are there for? In my professional work, I often remind clients that emotions communicate a need. Sometimes this need is simple—like the need to eat, drink, or sleep—but other times, it’s more complicated, such as a need to process the past that has been triggered in the present.

When these needs become complicated, we may find our emotions expressing themselves in less clear ways. Maybe we cry at everything—or nothing. Maybe we get frustrated over small things, or maybe our words escape us when trying to talk to new people. Regardless of how it manifests, emotions tend to behave like toddlers: desperate to be heard and willing to do almost anything to get that attention. This is why it’s so important to give them space.

Finally, let’s talk about how to give our emotions space and process them. This can start with taking a deep breath, exercising, crying, or engaging in any activity that helps deflate the intensity of the emotion, making it more manageable. As we discussed earlier, emotions can become overwhelming. Once we’ve deflated them, we can write about them, talk to a friend, consult a counselor, or simply process them on our own.

In the end, we often just need to give our needs a voice—even if we cannot meet those needs at that moment. Sometimes, all we can do is take a single step.

If you or someone you know needs help growing in their emotional intelligence, handling big emotions, processing the past, or anything else related to mental health, reach out to AIM Counseling Services today